[x]

Does that make me Different?I wear make up. Does that make me fake?
I cry. Does that make me emo?
I have male friends. Does that make me slutty?
I smile a lot. Does that make me weird?
I laugh loud. Does that make me preppy?
I have anxiety. Does that make me a freak?
I have Bipolar Disorder. Does that make me abnormal?
I respect people. I change for me, and only me. I have a past, but I know I have a future.
Does that make me different?
Maybe.
But at least it makes me
Me.

RelapseIt’s like counting
Saturn’s rings,
hash marks
along your limbs -
remembering a time
when

‘just one more’

made you feel better.

- & you’re sitting there
wondering why
Draco, stuck in limbo
always looks like he’s

falling.

FrostbiteNumbness
I can’t feel my toes and at first I think
It’s just my toes.
I can cover them up.
I can warm them.

It spreads, like fire,
Like ice.
I glance away for a second, it seems, and my feet are cold
Pat –pat
That’s funny, I didn’t feel that
Maybe I’ll cover them up too
I’ll warm them up.

I’ll take a nap
Maybe a short rest will make it all better, warm them
Up…
What’s that? How long has it been?
My legs… are you still mine..
Why has my breath left me, short?
Has everything but deserted me?

What about you, are you still here?
Are you still with me?
Hello?
And before I can say goodbye, I think my thoughts are leaving me too –

Sleeping Beautyshe’s in love with a character who
never existed but in the labyrinth of her head:
a patchwork composition of beautiful, lengthy words
she’d heard in her catatonic state; coma living
day in and day out, reliant on the salvation
of a man made of foreign wishing
and imperfection and necessity – an ignorance
of the less than ideal perception of self she’d
come to fear, absention stained romantic to the point
where daydreams were a standard for survival

(real living is for the purposeful of heart,
he loves her in her sleep)

UneditedWe cry.
We scream.
We fight for our dream.

We scream.
We cry.
We're just waiting to die.

The same emotions
with a different drive.
Sometimes dead, sometimes alive.

The same in one way,
different in another
brother and sister, sister and brother.

So close in feeling,
so different in the end.
Falling apart, or finally on the mend?

Which am I?
Will I ever know?
Fighting to stay or ready to go?

Maybe I'm both,
in some impossible way.
Emotions oddly mixed everyday.

Wouldn't surprise.
I'm such a freak.
Excuse me, I laugh, I should call it "unique"

WorthlessWorthless,
the name that cuts like a knife,
Me,
it's all that you see inside,
My heart,
is breaking with every breath I take
The lies,
the only thing I can't seem to face.

Happily AloneHonesty,
She does not have,
Personalities,
She has many of them.

A million shields,
a million personalities,
She's always changing,
to fit every person around her.

If one were to ask why,
she would answer with,
I will never reveal my weaknesses,
because she's evil.

She hates everyone,
stupider than her is barely tolerable,
smarter than her is too scary,
She hates it all.

She leaves the world behind,
To one she has dreamt of,
No color,
nobody else.

Then,
she will smile,
why,
because she is truly happy alone.

She is not evil,
She does not hate you,
She is not dishonest,
She simply wants to be alone.

wallflower clippingsthere's scar tissue in her throat,
swollen around the words she never said;
dark rings around her eyes
like planets unremembered, and
a staleness to her touch,
the crystalline Dead Sea.

she's living like a story
that's already been told
"if no one loved you
would you mean anything at all?"

in that moment,
we forget to exist.

We are the King and Queen of Broken DreamsStanding still in a mine field, staring at all we have left.
We were so young, we didn’t stop to think.
Now we’re in a car crash, teetering on the brink.
If you were to leave me now, I don’t know what I’d do.

It was a whirl wind romance,
A light when all was black, a spark of something when all was bleak.
You swept me off my feet and made me feel brand new.
I thought we could live forever and I’m certain you did to.

We built a house without foundations
And now we’re falling down,
Everything’s crumbling around us, time slipping through out fingertips.
People used to walk past us but they were to drunk to see,
That our lives are coming apart around us, there is no light as far as we can see.

There was no fire to start with,
Just two broken things, the world had left behind.
The casualties of other people’s dreams of power, money and control,
Spat out onto the curb to rot away and die.
We never stood a chance or so

lifelinesI fear the sound of sparrows
and the density of leaves
against dew-muffled blades
of grass,

and I'm drowning
in the sky.

My skin has learned how
to peel itself off
without causing a commotion
in my marrows or
even show the slightest hint
of pain,
and my heart has learned how
to hush the stars in their wake
and keep it all a secret.

There's a sea in my mouth
and I can't swim.

There are lifelines
cast like these and it will
all end with the same tragedy.

Falling off the EdgeDo you know what it feels like?
To nearly fall off the edge,
but not quite...
just so that you're dangling;
clinging for your worthless life
lest it fall into the sea of loneliness.
Your callused, pink fingers turning
to a shade of purplish-red of pain
as it does it best to hold on.

Splash.

In the sea of loneliness,
everything is crisp, translucent.
There is nothing around you,
you are alone...
unlike other people,
you have no one
clamouring to save you;
you have no one
diving in to get you out.

There is no point
screaming for help,
you will only waste
the little time and air you have left.
You only have the darkness
of the sea envelop

of seafoam thronesFrom Atlas’ hands she wept to me,
atop Africas and South Atlantics;

this is one situation unaffected by
ember eyes and windy lashes
(it has no anatomy).

You are sparrows stranded
in tiny crevices and cliffside love,
though you rebuke flight
in the fear of chipping feathers.

So what do you do?

You reach for my soul,
coveting flight with shaking
dainty arms…

and perhaps I’ll let you:
With flytrap lips and
glass shaped hips…
you are unfit for anything but
sight.

(But beauty isn’t everything)

Honesty Written

from the

heart.

No eraser.

Battle in my MindEat.
Don't eat.
Take it easy.
Work out until you pass out.
Get help.Tell someone.
Keep it a secret. It's only for you and me.
You're perfect.
You're worthless.
You're beautiful.
You're disgusting.
Why won't you listen?
They don't understand.
Let me help you.
You don't understand.
Show me.
No!
I love you..

Her SideTomorrow she'll be gone,
but what can you say?
Nothing can help her.
The pain won't go away.

But she would've stopped,
you could've said no.
That's what she wanted,
someone to say don't go.

That someone wanted her,
or at least would try.
That someone would grieve
if she were to die.

But you just stared,
nodding your head,
and she realized the truth
with a feeling of dread.

No one wanted her.
No one cared.
Not even you,
with the the love you shared.

So she said good-bye,
and you watched her leave.
She may have had the rope,
but now you can't breathe.

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More from ~Phobicangels23

My PoemSoft as silk and just as fine
My poem touches me
Draping its fingers about my neck
Awakening dreamlike fear

Silent as a feather's flight
My poem pads towards me
Treading with an ominous gait
Yet demanding instant trust

Sweetly as an angel's song
My poem calls my name
Whispering softly in my ear
Of promises made in the sky

Tender as a mourning dove
My poem embraces me
So sweet it nearly breaks my heart
So sad it makes me cry

And so my poem's heart began to beat
Burning with love, yet cold as sleet.

PerfectionIf I lay here
and stare at the ceiling
It almost looks like the sky
i can imagine the night is enveloping me like a cold
Ever moving veil of sleepless art
And while i wait for the picture to come back
i sit in the dimness and think
Hoping for the beauty of 5 minutes ago.

It doesn't come.

I waste my time doodling characters not my own
With ugly, primitive faces
Like when i was 3 again
and all i could paint were dots
No matter how hard a draw
the pencil breaks the paper
the eraser breaks my picture
and my ambition shatters any creativity of the moment.

i will not rest until i achieve perfection.

2:302:30

The clock

Reads in blocky digits
reminding me of tomorrow.

3:15

My pencil refuses to move
I cannot wait for inspiration

the drawings will not breathe.

4:23

Eyes close
mouth opens
Brain shuts down for the night
sketchbook lies closed on a page
unfinished drawings are making me hurt
i cannot bear to see the whiteness of paper anymore

11:49

i awake to the sound of coffee
Stumble up, see the sketch
A reminder of my early mornings
Spent erasing all the lines
I couldn't bring to life.

FantasyWhen all the purple clouds are gone
And only orange mountains remain
Soaked oily red from sunset paints
I smooth my stretched dry canvas

When blue whales calm the glass seas
Containers of gods and malevolence
Are shattered to sparkles and dance
While I twirl my brush and smile

When kittens pray on monkfish
And the clocks are crocodiles
Seething angrily, never pacing time
And I thin my paints with dreams

And all the while it happens
The world turns round and round
Feasting its eyes on the golden mean
My painting, hung up to dry.

InsideWhenever I am frustrated
My mind begins to melt
The words they jumble up inside
This way I've often felt

No one seems to understand
Only one has ever tried
They shout they yell
They scream they cry
It doesn't work,not really
But still they seem so mad
This isn't fun, it's not a game!!
I really want to say

They hear the words inside
The way I'm calling out for help
I'm choking on inaudible sounds
My voice is dry and my tears are wet
I'm yelling, shouting, crying
On the inside.

DreamsBlow bubble fish
Sway on a glass breeze
Drifting from a hook
Your silver dream lingers

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Submitted: November 25, 2012
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Wide Awake

by ~Phobicangels23, Nov 25, 2012, 8:42:46 PM
Literature / Poetry / Emotional / Free Verse

Fading away into the flickering light
Of a desktop lamp, the distant sound of laughter
Drifting up from the front room

Concentrating on staying awake
Music lulling and pulling,
Threatening to suck me into oblivion
Sweet words offering to take me away

Where there is no pain, no confusion

Cry, cry into this roseblood water
Be my angel, fade into me, escape
I cry, cry for you though...

Should I sleep, run far away?
To wake and walk into another day...

Tired eyes scan words on the screen
Hands grow heavy, brain shuts down....

I am wide awake though, water dripping from my hair
Black silk, drying to maple and covering my eyes

I am an espresso shot, a crisp autumn morning
I see your name and call out silently
Praying you'll read me and help me too

I look to you...I see nothing
I live my life, and fade in shadow
The box is gone, and so are you

Close my eyes, and see no darkness
I think it's strange you never knew

Hope keeps me wide awake all night
Hearing her voice and seeing her face, I breathe dust
Whispering sweet nothings in my ear
From the beetle black speakers in front of me
Starkly ebony against white walls

Comb my hair, run fingers through
Old T-shirt, clean face, quiet padding feet into the room
There was another room once, but it's gone now

Grabbing paper, pens, safety pins, markers
Scribbles down some faint memories in a book
Crosses off another day

Checking for new things in her imaginary world

Stomach growling, eyes watering
Chasing lyrics through the rabbit hole
Searching for moving pictures found in a web

Before I sleep I will dream
Beautiful things that I can never see again

Before I sleep I will wish
For things no one can bring me

Before I sleep...

Wide Awakeby ~Phobicangels23

Literature / Poetry / Emotional / Free Verse

©2012-2013 ~Phobicangels23

almost asleep....

~~joy 0 0~~

~~wow 0 0~~

~~mad 0 0~~

~~sad 0 0~~

~~fear 0 0~~

~~neutral 0 0~~

~FairyRora Nov 30, 2012 Student Writer

Very lovely and full of a poetic realism.

Reply

Mood: Compassion

~Redbuick95 Nov 26, 2012 Hobbyist Writer

beautiful

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